Offended at school: how to help a child, the right actions

Bullying at school is a dramatic and unpleasant complication of school life that leaves spiritual scars. How to find out that a child is being bullied at school and what to do in this case?

Intimidation and ridicule in an educational institution is a type of mobbing that is practiced among employees at work. A child persecuted by ill-wishers, hears humiliating nicknames addressed to him, suffers public ridicule, damage to property and physical attacks.

It can also be text messages with threats on a mobile phone or email (cyberbullying, more here ).

Harassment is most common among teenagers, and this also applies to comments about the figure, vulgar jokes, and attempts to remove part of the clothes. As a rule, teenagers perceive this as another joke or withdraw into themselves, suffering from inferiority complexes.

Parents find out about this too late – when the child has grown up or is under a serious attack that cannot be hidden.

The child is bullied at school – signs

Usually, young criminals choose a victim among well-mannered, modest and impressionable children, as they do not have the courage to fight back. The purpose of humiliation is to feel satisfaction, to gain power over another person, to increase reputation in the social circle.

The victim, in turn, rarely asks for help, the child is ashamed to say that he cannot solve the problem on his own or it seems to him too personal. How to understand whether they are offending at school or not?

Typical signs are:

  • unwillingness to attend school – absenteeism, imitation of illness
  • lack of friends – avoids meeting with peers, not invited to holidays, no friends among classmates
  • decline in academic performance – poor grades, lack of motivation
  • behavior change – the child becomes irritable or depressed
  • insomnia, poor appetite
  • suicidal thoughts – interest in suicide, reading books or articles on the subject, attempts
  • low self-esteem
  • unexplained loss of belongings – personal items are often “lost” or damaged from office supplies to clothes and money for lunch.

If the above is noticed, first of all, it is necessary to notify the management of the educational institution, after which, pay attention to the child.

How to help a child if he is being bullied

Start with a conversation. Blaming weakness and inability to communicate, ridiculing, downplaying the situation is a big mistake. The next time, the child will not respond to a request to talk about the circumstances.

Listen carefully – the information received will help determine how serious the situation is and take appropriate measures. It is possible that at the beginning of the conversation the child will be withdrawn or irritable, most likely, the abuser intimidated by a strict ban on reporting bullying.

Provide a sense of security, explain that help is required for everyone who is involved in the conflict in one way or another. Don’t blame the oppressor or yourself, think about how to fix it.

No child is to blame for being the victim of bullying.

Everyone has the right to be sensitive and weak.

No one has the right to harm a person, to use actions that degrade a person.

Learn how to deal with bullying in school. Develop a plan of responses to the abuser that would stop him or make it clear that the victim is able to stand up for himself. Practice a difficult situation in the form of a game, inform the child in which situations he should immediately turn to adults.

If these are verbal messages – an angry facial expression, indecent gestures, it is better to show indifference.

Thus, the aggressor will realize that the messages do not produce the desired effect, and he will lose interest. Verbal threats, blackmail and humiliation can also be ignored, but if they do not stop or are supplemented by physical actions, a response is indispensable.

Beating, pushing, spitting, robbery, destruction or damage to property – require the most severe punishment. Physical aggression is exacerbated by an inability to respond to provocation, crying or a sudden escape encourages the attacker to humiliate for fun.

Here, reservations like “you have nothing to do” or “leave me alone” will not save, therefore, the immediate intervention of an adult is required.

However, such a method as a complaint to the parents of the offender is not recommended, first of all, the education staff and the school psychologist should find out about the problem. Leave the fight against the young “criminal” to the school, do not forget that aggressive behavior, the result of many factors – neurological abnormalities, a dysfunctional or incomplete family, lack of attention, etc.

In this case, both your baby and the young “scoundrel” need help. You should not use violence against the aggressor (sometimes desperate parents act this way), and you should not be aggressive towards school employees.

What to do if your child is being bullied at school:

  • keep a record of all violent situations that the victim talks about
  • tell the police if a toddler is beaten or robbed
  • meet with the class teacher, talk about the situation and ask what actions will be taken. Declare willingness to cooperate
  • remember the agreement with the teacher and his decision
  • contact the teacher several times if bullying continues at school
  • when the teacher’s measures fail, make an appointment with the director, describe the circumstances and the measures taken
  • if the aggression worsens (the methods of the principal and the teacher are not effective), contact the body supervising educational institutions with a request to investigate the child’s case and evaluate the school’s activities in solving problems of violence
  • notify the regional commissioner for children’s rights if all of the above does not resolve the conflict.

In addition, find a good psychologist who will restore your child’s self-esteem and teach you how to properly communicate with ill-wishers. Check if there are other parents with a similar problem, unite to solve it with common efforts.

The option of transferring to another school is not the best, unpleasant people are also found in popular private institutions, as a last resort, consider transferring to another class.

Eliminate ridicule not only with a drafted dialogue plan for all incidents.

If a student is laughed at for not dressing well, get new clothes or let him choose what fashion dictates (for the social world of youth, this is very important).

Does he study badly? Pay attention to knowledge, take care of the child yourself, find explanations on the Internet or hire a tutor. Teased about glasses? Match with a trendy frame or shape.

Ask your child what would change the attitude of classmates, such as playing sports. Look for a way out together, become a reliable friend, this is the best way to help resolve any conflicts.