Simply asking a teenager for help can set off a minefield. You never know what reaction will follow if you ask about school affairs, mood, plans. However, interest in the life of the child is necessary, if only because a difficult age period has come.
When the intellect and emotions are under the control of hormones, many rash actions are practiced, and the task of parents is to prevent this phenomenon or to correct the situation painlessly.
Why communication is so important
A teenager is almost an adult. At this age, new friends, hobbies appear, the character and goals change. If you do not take an interest in his life, there may come a moment of regret.
Children aged 12-16 do not realize responsibility for their life and health, violation of social rules and behavior. Of course, it all depends on how the child was raised from early childhood and in what society he grows up.
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The gradual suggestion of “what is good and what is bad” significantly increases independence and control over actions. However, excessive emotionality and confidence radically change the view of the world.
The child may condemn accepted norms, accept the erroneous opinion of friends. This is where adults are needed who support with ordinary communication, understand and guide. How to talk to a teenager so that he hears and understands? Below are five basic rules.
Become a best friend
Trust your intuition. Pay attention to the mood, but at the same time do not ask questions, do not violate personal boundaries by breaking into the children’s room, do not condemn behavior and do not use classmates as an example – your child, another, individual personality.
Also, discover your own secrets – there is nothing more instructive than a personal example. This will evoke a sense of trust and gratitude for the respect shown.
Don’t start with “we need to talk”
Or “let’s talk.” Such a beginning is perceived as another lecture, a fear is generated that the parent will start scolding again. The teenager prepares in advance for battle or is determined not to pay attention to the speech addressed to him.
Start with a joint business – helping in the kitchen, a walk to the shops or in the park, perfectly set up for frankness. Most likely, the child will begin to talk about events and problems without your asking.
How to communicate with a teenager – instead of advice, ask questions
The desire to prepare a child for life is often accompanied by advice – how to talk, what to do, who to be friends with, where to go. Teenagers do not hear moralizing, they resist because they have their own opinion and do not want to change it. Replace tips with simple questions – “help with math?”, “Are the teachers too strict?”, “Are there violent children in the class?”.
In the process of communication, suggestive sentences should appear – “do you think this is right?”. Even if the answer does not satisfy, you should not rush into an argument, pointing out incompetence. Explain what you would do in this situation.
This is enough for the child to start reasoning and make the right decision on his own.
When a young person makes a mistake, the parents react in the style of a scandal, reminding them that they were warned about the outcome or adults should always be obeyed. It is important to refrain from such statements, because the child understands his mistake even without them.
The role of a parent in this situation is to understand, name the feelings of a teenager, show support – “did a friend betray you? This happened to me too, then I was overwhelmed with a feeling of resentment and even hatred “instead of” I said that this boy was spoiled.
Understanding becomes a good start for frank communication, where it may turn out that poor grades on tests are the result of difficult situations distracting from studies, relationships at school between teachers or peers, and joining bad company means that a teenager feels lonely and thus , fighting for a place in the group.
How to talk to a teenager if he is wrong
Disagreements occur in every family and how they are resolved affects the relationship, and the child is taught to negotiate. Everything that a teenager sees in your attitude towards him will become a role model.
If you want your child to listen to you, you must listen to him. Try to calmly listen to the opinion, announce your point of view, and then, together, find the right solution.
Fatigue, apathy or irritability lead to erroneous conclusions and scandals. When this happens, feel free to apologize. The ability to recognize delusion heals emotional wounds, and also shows children that people are not perfect.
Before you condemn during communication, scold a teenager, remember these rules. Show sincere interest, try to understand, forgive and accept the way he grew up.
A little time will pass and you will definitely learn how to get along without clarifying the relationship, which in the future will definitely pay off with trust and respect.