Frequent mood swings due to physical changes in adolescence cause resentment among parents – a child from the age of 11 becomes more and more intractable, whiny and aggressive.
A simple request can end in a scandal and it seems that the upbringing that was previously invested means nothing. Here one should exercise caution and attention to the problem, since the child is in a very difficult phase of his development.
Causes of aggressive behavior of teenagers
Raising a teenager is not an easy task, requiring a lot of strength from the family. In fact, the physiological uprising becomes a real obstacle to normal communication and a test.
In part, this behavior is associated not only with the sudden transformation of the body, but also with spoiledness, a large amount of incoming information. Modern children are less adapted to self-control, in addition, they are simply not interested in it, because teenagers become self-confident.
Any contradiction occurs as a chance to prove its importance for this world. And only we, adults, are well aware that aggression does not serve as an indicator of wisdom or significance. From this follows the conclusion that we must show wisdom in the next unpleasant situation.
In adolescence, the child gradually loses touch with his parents, beginning to realize that he is not as strong as the superman from his favorite cartoon. There is a complete re-awareness of life, getting used to responsibility for actions, independent decisions.
Of course, responsibility is familiar to him from early childhood, but now it is more tangible, especially if he was overprotected. At this stage of development, there is a clash of generations – much of what the teenager considers right is openly condemned and challenged.
That’s why there are outbursts of anger. To avoid this kind of reaction, parents need to find slightly different ways to refer.
It is not by chance that we indicate “direction” instead of “management”, because we can no longer command and forbid, as we used to. On the contrary, privacy is the main thing that should be shown by personal example.
Our children, more than the previous generation, suffer from deep resentment, which often leads to permanently damaged relationships, but it is also wrong to completely take the side of the child.
Cautiously showing your own opinion about the current difficulty is highly desirable. Just so as not to cause another confrontation. However, back to the main, physiological reason.
Anger expresses not only discontent, it is also the unfulfilled desires and instincts that the body offers. The main culprit hormones are testosterone and cortisol, they also work throughout life, but it is more difficult for a child to suppress anger than an adult, therefore, it is advisable to develop this skill as early as possible.
At the same time, it is important to understand that even people with high self-control do not always restrain themselves. If aggression, although rare, but still manifests itself among adults, then what can we say about children who do not have much information about the changes taking place in their body.
Aggressive teenager – what to do, recommendations for parents
What should parents do when faced with the anger of a teenager? We asked psychologists and they suggested the seven most effective techniques.
1. Wait and listen. Impulsivity is a bad adviser, before you get involved in an argument, count to 100, even if the words of the child hurt you. You know that perhaps your pupil is wrong, but it is better to discuss this after the wave of aggression, and not during.
2. Give up pride. Teenage negativism will drive anyone crazy, and sometimes it can cause a million insults. As a rule, an adult stands up to protect himself, bypassing the unfair, personal opinion of a teenager.
The same rule applies here as number one – pause. No matter how insulting it is, give up the “war” with the little man. Ask the rest of the family not to overreact to whims.
3. Enter some clear rules. Agree that under no circumstances should a child, for example, beat dishes or appliances. Talking rudely to your grandmother or father. Condemn the actions of adults. You can collect up to ten such rules and believe me, they will greatly facilitate the life of your child and, of course, reduce the number of inappropriate reactions.
4. Pay attention. Numerous studies have shown that aggression is associated not only with physiological changes. If there is not enough attention for a first grader, he will bite and scratch other children.
When there is not enough attention for a teenager, he will look for him on the side through miniskirts, smoking, antisocial behavior, naturally seeking significance, and therefore attention, among his peers, and most likely, the environment will not be the best.
After work, do not ask how things are at school, but take an interest in hobbies and listen to the story about correspondence with a friend to the end. In addition, you get valuable information about who the child communicates with, where he spends time, what conflicts have occurred.
5. Watch your lifestyle. Proper nutrition, regular walks in the fresh air, enough sleep – have a huge impact on the physical and psychological state. Sleeping less than 8 hours or a lack of vitamins will certainly lead to an overly nervous reaction to simple situations.
6. Support. Showing understanding may not be easy, but it is necessary. You don’t need to immediately draw conclusions – you yourself are to blame, you should have done this and so on. A simple hug is what really helps. Only after a while, you can discuss the situation together.
7. Encourage hobbies. A person who is busy with what he loves is less dissatisfied with life than one who does his homework every day and just sits in chat rooms with friends. Take an interest in what the child would like to do, what goals he sets for the future, and together choose a circle or install software on a computer if the dream concerns creating a book, maintaining a video blog.
It is also worth knowing that the aggressive behavior of a teenager, accompanied by an eating disorder, depression, insomnia, requires the intervention of a specialist. First of all, a general consultation with a pediatrician, who may recommend vitamins, give a referral for tests or suggest visiting a psychologist.
Depending on the state of health, other specialists, such as a neurologist, may be required.