The child grows up, acquires more and more independence and looks for ways to express himself as a person. Adolescence is the most difficult time for parents and children.
“My daughter growls at me during any conversation or leaves slamming the door. She has always been an exemplary child, but now her behavior is unbearable, ”complains the mother of 13-year-old Evgenia.
Familiar? These are typical symptoms of teenage rebellion, the intensity of which depends on the child’s temperament and previously built relationships with parents. What happens to the young offspring?
He is under the influence of sex hormones, and besides, life completely changes – appearance, friends, hobbies and goals. The psyche, which is at an intermediate stage, is also maturing.
This is a period of intensive growth and changes in the body. Hormones influence behavior, causing moodiness and irritability, and today’s teenager desires are very different from before.
The child requires more independence, freedom and does not tolerate obstacles on the way to goals. Meanwhile, parents are increasingly demanding, talking about prohibitions and burdening with new responsibilities.
From here intractability, stubbornness are born, and it becomes more and more difficult for parents to survive adolescence. A teenager feels like a person and wants to distinguish her from others – her behavior, hairstyle, clothing style, room decor are changing.
He emphasizes his individuality and communicates with his actions: “Hey, I grew up, I have my own opinions, needs and problems!”
How to deal with a teenager? First of all, set reasonable boundaries. Adolescence begins between the ages of 10-16 and it is important not to miss the beginning so that you can set the limits of freedom in advance, or rather, expand it.
If, for example, the child was not allowed to ride the bus on his own before, allow it this year. At the same time, explain that you are worried about him. Do not deprive the rights acquired up to this point.
The following situation is often observed: the girl was allowed to play with the boys, but her parents suddenly noticed that she was becoming a woman and forbade her to run with friends. Then naturally there is a reason for dispute and resentment.
A teenager’s dad will help mom survive adolescence. Usually, the mother devotes more time to raising children than the father, but during adolescence, the father’s help is urgently needed, especially in a conflict situation.
After a fight with the mother, the father will be extremely valuable, even if he spends a lot of time at work. Dad can take the child to the cinema, ask for help in repairing the car, and at the same time listen to how he sees the situation from his side and try to find a solution together.
Thus, the teenager will feel support and understanding, see that his opinion is of interest.
Family respect and trust
The reason for many “short circuits” in relationships is distrust and complete control over the child. This doesn’t mean you have to allow everything – when your child wants to have a party at home, state the terms clearly, such as no alcohol.
Show that you trust – do not enter the room specifically to check if the condition is met. Education is not tracking and not forcing you to copy your views on life. Try not to interfere in the teenager’s personal space, even if the books are not on the shelves or clothes are scattered.
You don’t like the posters on the walls or the music? It’s hard, but it’s your child’s world and style! Treat your child like an adult, but do not invent more and more responsibilities.
Recognize his opinion in family matters (where to go on vacation, what furniture to buy), consult in choosing clothes. By acting wisely, you have a chance to create harmonious relationships that will only benefit and help you get through a difficult age without scandals.
Try to always participate in the dialogue – it is difficult to establish contact with a teenager if you are not talking. It is important for the growing generation to talk with adults, because after the conversation, they feel more confident.
If you see that your daughter has problems with a guy, a heart-to-heart talk is a good solution. A little female solidarity in this situation will not hurt, and the girl will feel that she was understood and accepted the problem as her own.
In addition, during a conversation, it is advisable to adhere to certain rules that will help avoid conflict:
- listen first, let the child express his point of view, do not interrupt the story
- ask questions, but if your teen has trouble answering, don’t push. Perhaps in a few minutes he will be ready to answer you.
- do not raise your voice, this is a signal to your child that you will not help
- you do not need to agree with a teenager and succumb to manipulation. Be mindful of arguments. Avoid the words: “I forbid, period,” say calmly: “I like your words, but for me they are unconvincing. Let’s come back to this conversation later.”
- if you forbid something, explain why, without this main rule, it will be difficult to survive this period. Admit it: “I’m worried about you, I don’t want to let you go to this concert because I can’t prevent what could happen to you.” The child will feel cared for and perhaps you will go to a concert together.
- don’t say “yes, I’m your age…” or “you’re luckier than I was when I was a kid”. It is better to go shopping with your child, pay attention to prices and how long you need to work to buy something.
- do not lecture, speak like a partner – in a simple and understandable way
- dilute the situation with humor, relieve tension. The teenager will appreciate it.
Rules of conduct for parents:
- do not underestimate and ridicule the taste, manners and needs of a teenager. Remember how you dressed at this age and what you were fond of
- avoid absolute prohibitions and orders like “no, because no.” Don’t be surprised if your child won’t listen to you. Everything we do violently causes revolt even in adults
- do not keep a child under your wing in order to protect from evil. The child must know the rules of the adult world. You talk about them and help so that the first experience does not become a traumatic experience.
- do not shift your dreams onto the child, let the teenager choose his hobbies on his own, and subsequently the profession.